


Mirrors

by profslupin



Category: All For The Game - Nora Sakavic
Genre: (none of it is graphic or anything and its all canon typical but like..), Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, M/M, Past Abuse, Past Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-26
Updated: 2017-07-26
Packaged: 2018-12-07 05:27:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,670
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11616849
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/profslupin/pseuds/profslupin
Summary: The Trojans help Jean learn to look in the mirror and see himself instead of his scars"Jean had a complicated relationship with his appearance. It wasn’t that he was insecure about his flaws, necessarily, but rather that they reminded him of his time in the Nest. Of his time with him."





	Mirrors

**Author's Note:**

> im still bad at writing summaries lol
> 
> i wrote this at like 4 am and it got twice as long as i meant for it 2 be,, it was supposed to be a baby fic and then it just kept going,,

Jean had a complicated relationship with his appearance. It wasn’t that he was insecure about his flaws, necessarily, but rather that they reminded him of his time in the Nest. Of his time with _him._

After being with the Trojans for a while, he was beginning to learn how to look in the mirror without having a panic attack. How to look at all his scars, his crooked fingers, his slightly bent nose, _his tattoo,_ without thinking, _he did this. He did this to me because I deserved it. I ran away like a coward and when he catches me he’ll do it all again but worse and he’ll laugh, he’ll laugh like he always does when he punishes me. He’s going to catch me here, why did I think I could run away from him why can’t I ever escape him why was I stupid enough to think-_

No.

Someday Jean will be able to look in the mirror without having to calm those racing thoughts, thoughts that sometimes he couldn’t control, thoughts that sometimes led to Jeremy finding Jean in their dorm’s bathroom, clutching the countertop with all his strength, staring with dead eyes at the reflection of his left cheekbone. Thoughts that led to Jeremy having to approach Jean like a wounded animal, talking softly to him, reminding him that he’s here with the Trojans, he’s here with him in their dorm, he’s not at the Nest anymore, he’s not with _him_ anymore because he’s dead, it’s okay. It’s okay, he can’t hurt him anymore, it’s okay. It _will be_ okay.

And it will be, one day. Jean knew this, but sometimes it was easy to forget. But Jeremy was always there, ready to remind him of that whenever he needed to hear it, because somehow Jeremy always knew when Jean needed to hear it the most.

* * *

 

Jean thought, sometimes, about calling Kevin and asking him how he had the courage to tattoo over the number he was branded with. He thought about it, and then one day he did.

“Hello? Jean?” Kevin’s voice over the phone was confused, unsure about why Jean was reaching out, and hesitant.

Jean knew there was too much bad blood between them to work through it all over the course of one phone call. That wasn’t the reason he called, anyways.

“How did you do it? How did you cover up your tattoo?”

“Oh. Well, I was really drunk.”

Jean snorted. Of course.

“But also… I decided that I wasn’t going to let Riko be in control of me anymore. He didn’t care who he sacrificed to win, and I wasn’t going to let me be one of them. I wasn’t going to accept always being second place anymore.”

Jean hummed quietly and contemplated those words.

“Thank you.”

“Good luck, Jean.”

* * *

 

Jean thought about that phone call a lot over over the next few weeks. He was still getting better at looking in the mirror. He was seeing himself as him, not as a Raven, not as Riko’s third, but as Jean Moreau.

He had bad days, still. He had lots of them, actually. But he was getting better.

The Trojans helped. It was hard not to be affected by their upbeat attitudes. Jeremy’s especially, considering he spent the most time with him and couldn’t avoid him even if he wanted to.

He didn’t want to.

The Trojans were the polar opposites of the Ravens. Where at the Nest insubordinance to the captain resulted in severe punishment, with the Trojans it resulted in an eyeroll and a laugh with half-hearted threats of laps. Losing with the Ravens was inconceivable, but losing with the Trojans was a chance to learn and grow. Jean almost couldn’t fathom the differences at first, couldn’t understand how a team that seemed to lack any discipline was one of the best teams Class I had to offer.

Of course, after Jean pointed this out to them, he was immediately met with different protests saying that they’re a family, that positive reinforcement is more effective, that loyalty keeps them together and helps them play together seamlessly, that he shouldn’t be a dick.

And Jean had scoffed. But then he kept playing with them, and after a while he understood.

They didn’t answer to Jeremy because they feared the consequences of not doing so, they answered to him because they wanted to. They answered to him because they felt loyalty to him and to the team, and they respected him, and that motivated them to work harder and be better. It was unlike anything Jean had ever seen, but he felt privileged to be a part of it.

* * *

 

Jean wasn’t sure how it happened, but eventually when he thought about the Trojans words like “friends” and even “family” came to mind. When he thought about Jeremy, he thought of things like “sunshine” and “hope” and, sometimes, “home.”

* * *

 

He could look in the mirror most days and see himself.

He had decided that he wasn’t like Kevin. For Kevin, the best way to move on from the Nest was to wipe it from his skin and remind everyone else who he really is.

Jean admired Kevin for it, but that wasn’t who he was. His scars didn’t define him, but his past was a part of him, even if he wished it wasn’t. For better or for worse, everything that had happened shaped him, and covering up his tattoo wasn’t the route he wanted to take.

He wasn’t proud of his scars, and he wasn’t proud of his tattoo. But he didn’t feel ashamed of them, and he didn’t feel quite as haunted by them anymore. It was certainly progress.

* * *

 

The Trojans were facing off against the Foxes in the Semi-Finals.

Jean was glad that he would get to see Renee. He was even a bit glad to see Kevin in person.

They had continued their phone calls on a somewhat regular basis after Jean’s first call to him, and they had slowly worked their way from awkward talks about exy to even more awkward talks about their shared past, finally reaching the point where, despite still having a lot to work through, Jean was warming up to the idea of thinking of Kevin as a friend.

Maybe Jeremy knew Jean wanted to see them, or maybe it was purely motivated by his and Kevin’s relationship of mutual adoration, but Jeremy turned to Jean when they were in the locker room of the Foxhole Court and said, “Kevin said we should get together tomorrow and celebrate the win, whoever’s it is, before we have to fly back, if you’re interested. I know Renee and some of the other Foxes are going to be there.”

Jean considered for a moment and then nodded. He knew he made the right choice when Jeremy immediately perked up and smiled widely at him, clapping him on the shoulder.

* * *

 

It was close, but the Trojans took the second half and won the game.

Jean stood still for a moment after the buzzer sounded, and was then enveloped in a big group hug from the Trojans. Worming his way out, he approached Renee on the Foxes’ bench.

“Great game, Jean! You made some really impressive saves, it was amazing.”

“You did, too. It was close.”

“Up until the end, yeah. You guys really deserved it, congratulations! Even most of the other foxes can’t stay mad when we lose to you guys. I know we’ll all be rooting for you in the Finals.”

Jean smiled at her words. “Even Kevin?”

“Especially Kevin.”

Renee looked over Jean’s shoulder to where the Trojans were still celebrating their qualifying for Finals.

“But don’t let me keep you. It seems like someone’s been waiting his turn to talk to you.”

Jean glanced over his shoulder and saw Jeremy standing near the rest of the Trojans, facing him. He had a wide smile on his face as Jean approached him.

“Jean, you played brilliantly!” Jeremy exclaimed as he tackled Jean into a tight hug.

“Not just me.”

Jeremy pulled back with his hands on Jean’s shoulders and smiled impossibly bright. “Really, though. I’m proud of you.”

It was enough to make Jean smile. Not his usual almost smile, or a quirk of the lips, but a genuine smile that reached his eyes and made them shine. It was a rare look on him, but one that was becoming more and more common.

They perhaps stayed like that a moment too long. Next thing Jean knew, he heard whistles from the Trojans and a shout of “Get a room!” from one of them. Probably Alvarez.

Jeremy stepped back and let out an embarrassed chuckle. He rubbed the back of his neck and said, “Let’s get changed and then celebrate our victory properly, yeah?”

“Yeah.”

* * *

 

Renee and Kevin saw them off at the airport the next day after their celebration.

Renee hugged him and said, “Text me if you need anything.”

Kevin gave him an awkward pat on the shoulder and said, “Good luck in the Finals. Give the Ravens hell for me.”

Jean nodded.

They still had a ways to go, but it was a far better interaction than they would have had just a few months ago. Progress.

* * *

 

The Trojans were in their locker room, lacking their usual pregame chatter. The championship game had them all nervous, doubly so since it was against the Ravens.

Jean didn’t know what he felt. His jaw was clenched, but his thoughts had been completely stalled. He didn’t feel anything about the upcoming game.

Jeremy walked up to him, helmet already under his arm. “Are you okay?” he asked softly, sitting on the bench beside him.

Jean finished tying his shoe and sat up. He glanced around the room at all the familiar faces and said, “I don’t know. I think so.”

“Okay. Let me know if you need anything. And if you need to be pulled out for any reason during the game, don’t even hesita-”

“I really do think I’ll be okay,” Jean said, holding up a hand to halt Jeremy’s words. He had already heard this speech from Rheman. He appreciated it. More than he could describe, really. But he was beginning to feel that it was unnecessary. He wouldn’t be facing Riko out there. He would never have to face Riko again. It had taken the better part of the year, but he was finally starting to really believe it.

His old teammates considered him a traitor, however. They wouldn’t be forgiving and play fair. Not that they usually did.

* * *

 

The first half went by in a blur. They were tied by halftime, and the Ravens hadn’t pulled any punches. They had already gotten three yellow cards and one red. But the worst part for Jean wasn’t the blows he received or the cruel words they hurled at him. He could’ve shouldered those knowing that he was now backed up by a team that actually cared about him.

The worst part was that for everything they threw at Jean, they seemed to double on all his teammates. And Jeremy seemed to be taking the brunt of it.

Seeing them go after his teammates, his _friends_ like that made Jean’s blood boil. He could barely remember a single thing Jeremy said during halftime, and when they returned to the court Jean played rougher than usual, matching the Ravens blow for blow.

There was only a minute left on the clock when Jean blocked a vicious attack on goal, a shot that would’ve tied the game and resulted in over time. The Raven striker snarled and swung his racket down on Jean. Jean blocked his head with his arm just in time, but the shooting pain in his arm was almost enough to make him stumble.

Before he knew it, Jeremy was between them.

“Back the fuck off,” Jeremy spat, in a voice more venomous than Jean would have ever thought possible from him.

The referee was quick to intervene, sending the striker to the bench.

“Are you okay?” Jeremy asked worriedly.

“I’m fine. We only have fifty seconds left. Let’s just finish this.”

Jeremy didn’t argue, but he shot Jean a worried glance as they set up for the foul shot.

They already had a point lead, and the penalty shot allowed them to get one more in before the buzzer sounded, signalling the end of the game just as much as the Trojans’ triumphant cheers.

Jeremy turned to Jean, jogging over to congratulate him, when a Raven backliner that had been going after Jeremy most of the game swung a punch that knocked him to the ground.

Jean was there in an instant, pulling the backliner off and throwing him to the ground. Jean had his fist raised, and he was ready to retaliate, but he dropped his hand with a disgusted look at the man at his feet.

He turned to help Jeremy to his feet and they walked back to the locker room.

* * *

 

Jean dropped onto the bench, very suddenly feeling completely drained. Jeremy sat next to him, a hand on his shoulder.

“Thanks. For jumping in and for not beating that guy.”

“Well, I don’t want to do anything to tarnish the Trojan’s image.”

Jeremy chuckled and said, “No, I guess not. But I mean it. I can’t imagine how hard this game must’ve been for you. Are you sure you’re okay?”

“I thought I would be. I assumed they would only go after me. I don’t know why I didn’t realize they would take it out on all of you as well.”

“Maybe it didn’t occur to you because you’re better than that.”

“I’m not.”

“Yeah, you are. You don’t need to believe me right now, but I really hope you’ll give me a chance to help you believe it.”

Jean turned to face Jeremy. “I might be able to do that.”

Jeremy grinned, looking at the way Jean’s eyes had crinkled into the ghost of a smile. “Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

Jean tipped his head forward, resting his forehead against Jeremy’s for a moment before closing the rest of the gap to kiss him.

Jean could taste sweat on Jeremy’s lips, but when he felt the way he smiled into the kiss as he curled a hand on the back of Jean’s neck, he couldn’t make himself care.

The kiss lasted for only a moment before Jean pulled back, once again resting their foreheads together. Jeremy opened his eyes and grinned widely at him, eyes shining.

“Whooo! Get it guys!”

“Did you get pics?”

“Fucking finally.”

Jeremy laughed at the whistles and hollers that erupted from the Trojans at the display and Jean couldn’t help the grin that was forming on his lips as well.

Jeremy didn’t remove his hand from where it rested on Jean’s neck, but raised his free hand to the rest of the team to flip them off.

* * *

 

The rest of the night passed in a flurry of celebrations and interviews. Jean barely registered anything that happened that night, only paying attention to Jeremy, who barely left his side or passed up an opportunity to sneak in a kiss.

* * *

 

Jean still had a complicated relationship with his appearance, but looking in the mirror no longer caused panic attacks or triggered memories of how he was given all of those scars. He still had bad days, where Jeremy would come into the bathroom only to find Jean staring blankly into the mirror, but they were becoming less frequent over time.

Jean could finally look into the mirror and just see Jean Moreau. He couldn’t forget his past, and he would probably never entirely recover from it, but seeing his scars now made him think about how he survived that, and where it led him.

* * *

 

Jean looked into the mirror and saw himself. And sometimes he would look into the mirror and see Jeremy there as well, arms hooked around his waist and smiling up at him.

**Author's Note:**

> when i started this it was supposed 2 be a funny fic abt jean and renee,, and look what happened instead <:,O
> 
> anyways hmu on tumblr im [jeanmoraeau](https://jeanmoraeau.tumblr.com/)


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